Sunday, March 20, 2016

My 30s: Day 1

An age that I never truly contemplated until recently is here.  Saturn has come and gone.  I have reached the start of a new decade, a new chapter of my life, and yet I feel the same.  I'm honestly a lot less hung over than I thought I would be (not at all actually... I guess those Fehring genes are showing through) and feel balanced and in-tune with myself.

I have spent this first day of my thirties, cleaning up from the party, fixing cell phone situations which involved a little bit of time travel, playing the piano and writing a little, and watching one of my favorite science fiction series.  All in all, with the exception of my poor wife having to work today, it has been a pretty marvelous first day of a new decade in my life.  

Tomorrow I will do some work at job four, and pack, then we will be flying home. I'm not sure where the time has gone.  To me, it feels like we were just starting to plan this trip and yet its now two days away.  Part of me feels like everything was just yesterday and yet ages ago.  The paradoxical dichotomy of the seeming passages of time is endlessly fascinating.

Saturday, March 19, 2016

Day 1:

Well this is it.  This is the last day!  At 7:50 tonight I am officially a thirty year old.  I am leaving the wonderful bliss of twenty-something behind.

How do I feel? Pretty content actually.  I am sitting with my lovely wife and cat daughter watching one of my favorite shows, I cleaned and prepped last night so I don't have to today, and I am full from a delicious breakfast that we had delivered.

Will tonight feel like I pass through a force-field that strips away my youth? I doubt it.  As I've aged, I've figured out that it really is just another day.  What makes it special is what you and your loved ones implant on it.  The only thing I will probably feel tomorrow is hungover (an unfortunate trait of turning 25). I made wine punch which is surprisingly stout, even for me.

This is it! It has been a fun ride and a fun project.  I haven't decided if I will chronicle the first thirty days of my thirties yet.  I'd better decide soon...

Anyway, thanks for reading!

Day 2:

We all knew this day would come.

The "Artist" will now speak of his aesthetics and accomplishments.  I'll try not to make it too much to bear.

I have spent a great deal of my time studying my art and "perfecting" my craft in the last decade. This endeavor actually took up most of my days in one form of another and I can't honestly say whether I'm any better at any of them when I started, but I definitely am more experienced! That truly is something to be proud of.  Also, at least at this point I can finally verbalize what moves me and what I hold in the utmost importance as far as aesthetics go.  Bear in mind that these hypothesis are untested and subjugated by my own person experiences and findings.  No scientists were harmed in the creation of these ideas!

*Note: I am only speaking of my two main subjects and their love child: Music, Theater, and Musical Theater

There is a Venn Diagram that I have found particularly useful over the past decade...(YAY CHARTS!) and I would like to share it with you.  It is highly debated among scholars and many question its validity in understanding aesthetics, but I like it and this is my blog so;

I find that I am most moved by the Academic, the Folk, and the shared spaces of all three.  Why is that?  Am I more moved by things unique and under experienced? Am I a snob whose intellectual aspirations cloud my ability to enjoy things on mass?  Am I a hipster?

In an in depth analysis of appeal, I came to a shockingly simple answer (This also generalized and only tested by my personal observations.

Each of the three aspects of culture appeal to different parts of our being.  Generally, Pop appeals to our body and our base desires. This is especially true in music! I cannot tell you the amount of times I have questioned a persons taste toward a pop song and their reply has been, "It has such a good beat!" This is generally why the lyrics contain multiple repeats of phrases.  Bear in mind I am speaking only of the pure pop circle here.

What I have discovered about myself it that I am only interested in the top two circles and and the combinations of the three.  Anyway, this is long and complicated and no one will probably care, but being able to articulate my aesthetic principles, even in simplistic terms, is a huge accomplishment!  This is what I am after.  I can truthfully say that I have a deep understanding of what moves me and can analyze that!  I can also articulate in an intellectual manner why I don't like certain songs, pieces, and works (and boy do I...).

I have written some things that I'm incredibly proud of! I've performed some roles that I'm incredibly proud of! I've seen some amazing things develop and watched talent bloom and grow! I've performed with numerous Jazz Combos, Rock Bands, Big Bands, and A Capella groups.  I've done "prestigious" things and I've had more fun that I can say.  I've tap danced! (Childhood dreams do come true!) Anyway, I can't even talk about all I've done because a decade is a long time!

In this coming decade, I'm going to be less awkward about sharing my talents (even if that means singing more karaoke, which I hate).  I feel for some reason, that even if people ask me what I'm working on, I'm being irritating if I talk about it.  I know I can deliver the goods, so I'm going to have to start acting like it.  I think the key is to find balance and still maintain my charm.

Anyway, people, this is the end of day two!

Thursday, March 17, 2016

Day 3:

Today is the day that everyone celebrates one of my many heritages by getting wasted and behaving poorly.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!

I actually wish that people would celebrate days from every culture and clan across the world with such gusto! Perhaps if we did, even if it involved some poor behavior, we could come at conflict with a bit more understanding and love!

Why do we celebrate anyway? I believe it comes from our oh so human need for connection.  I maintain that people are their most true selves when they celebrate and one can learn more from a person in five minutes than working with them for two months!  My catering job has given me the opportunity to study celebrations that I couldn't even imagine and I get to attend like a fly on the wall.  It's the very best way!  I've also seen the darker sides of celebrations, but that is a whole other blog.

Something I've done my best to overcome in my twenties is how much celebration means to me and how heartbroken I can feel if things go wrong.  I like most, will be celebrating this momentous birthday with a party.  An embarrassing confession: I have hosted lots of parties throughout my life where no one came.  I know that last sentence reads like a teen angst plot cliche, but alas its true.

It has taken me years to finally realize that it is not a reflection of me, that there is no malicious intent, and that life gets in the way sometimes.  Sometimes the irony of this situation escapes me, especially since I have never surrounded myself with those kinds of people (in my personal life anyway...) However, I'm still afraid.  Sometimes fear can be a good thing.  On the bright side, it constantly reminds me of how much my friends and loved ones mean to me! I also am eternally grateful for my awesome wife ( I know, I know. She really is amazing! Those of you who know her know!)

The point is that life is unpredictable and silly and wonderful and it can be even more so, when you celebrate it with the people you love!

Here's to that! 

Day 4:

There's nothing quite like a series of unfortunate events, mistakes, and disappointments to bring you back to reality.

All of my pet peeves boil down to two major principles and I beg your pardon but there will be some language in those points



The most important revelation that has come to me throughout my twenties, besides the fact that no one really knows anything in the grand scheme of things and thy even experts can flounder in their own fields, is that my pet peeves are of course based on my own short comings.  Maybe that's why they bother me so much.  In my perception, I work exceptionally hard everyday just to appear somewhat functional in society: to get done what I need to and to be kind to other humans while doing it.  I mean that's what society is, an "agreed" upon set of rules, regulations, and containment initiatives that attempt to hold millions of desperate, disparate souls into a cohesive, mostly functional, idealized union.  Humanities survival for this long has been nothing short of miraculous under these conditions, especially considering that everyone's individual and personal truths are entirely unique and most wars are fought over less.

The point is, I've been told I should let my pet peeves go and be more forgiving of humanity.  None of us are perfect and that is constantly and consistently proven; however I have found that whenever I depend upon the kindness of strangers, I am left disappointed: the words of this optimist who was ripped into realism seem hallow and flawed.  I know from experience how difficult daily life can be and still somehow manage to try.  Am I completely wrong to at least hope that other people will do the same?  Is my disappointment my own doing because of these optimistic views that I cling to or am I just in my views and the disappointment in people, genuinely earned?

Who can say.  Maybe my thirties will prove more illuminating on this illustrious subject, or maybe the whole endeavor is folly...

It should be noted that this reflection is based on the general public and people that I am forced to deal with at jobs and in daily life, not on my own acquaintances, friends, or family.  I am remarkably lucky and blessed by the people I call my own! This is merely an expression of an overly sensitive, overthinking human who questions everything by nature.

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Day 5:

Today, I got to cash in on a Christmas Gift.

It wasn't just any gift, my wonderful wife got us both tickets to see one of my songwriting and performance heroes at Madison Square Garden!


I can't even begin to put into words how I feel so this will have to be all for now, just know that an item off my bucket list was checked off tonight!


Monday, March 14, 2016

Day 6:

Warning: This post is going to gush a little.

I have the best wife in the world.  I know that's a big statement, but it's true.  She surprised me yesterday with my first Birthday gift and has gotten me one for each successive day until my thirtieth.  She is constantly thinking about me and how to make my life better and I am truly a better person because of her.  I do my best to do the same!

Honestly, I never thought I would get married.  I had resigned myself in  my early twenties to spending my life alone, with lots of friends for sure, but alone.  I was a romantic and believed wholeheartedly in love, I just never thought it could happen to me.  I have always been self conscious, didn't really consider myself attractive, and had had relationships in the past that had ended badly, either for me or them or both.  The combination of those things led to this belief,  Boy was I wrong.

I guess the truth is I didn't truly understand was love was.  I'd heard some cliche or another about how everything freezes and locks into place, how the world stops and nothing else matters, how everything changes and yet remains the same but better: they're all true!  I can't really describe the feeling adequately.  All I can say is that when you know, you know! I honestly pray that every single person can experience what I have experienced with my wonderful wife.  Love is amazing and wonderful in every single form and humanity is better for it.

And that is enough of that.  Those of you who know me, have seen the look in my eyes when I talk about my wife and know that the statements above are true and not exaggerated.  Those of you who don't, will just have to trust me.