Day 15:

Day 15:

And now for something completely different...

The kitchen can be an intimidating place. It is both an art studio, and a science lab: the difference is that your work will be judged immediately, harshly, and can literally kill someone (depending on the food you make...)

Scared yet?! Which is why I would like to reveal, my

Top 5 Biggest Accomplishments in the Kitchen in my Twenties:

5: Being able to perfectly slice an onion. (In any desirable way.)

I know it doesn't seem like much but the truth is, the onion is the key that unlocks every major savory cuisine in the world! I learned a long time ago that even people who claim to not like onions, miss the flavor when it's not there. There is something inherently delicious about that wonderful flavor and it goes in basically everything. It's very important! I slice it three different ways for my guacamole, salsa, and bean dip! 

4: The realization that booze makes every dish better and incorporating it; even in recipes that don't call for it.

This point proves itself but the right kind of alcohol can take a regular recipe and make it gourmet. Making marinara? Add Merlot. Making a pan sauce? Add beer! Whisky bean dip, Koltiska strawberry shortcake, Baileys and Oreos (just kidding!)...but seriously. It's all magical! Try it!

And speaking of that point,

3: Perfecting My Mulled Wine. 

If you know me at all you know my favorite time of year is the holidays. Winter is my favorite season followed closely by fall and both seasons call for spice. Mulled wine is a magical beverage that monopolizes my thoughts during the colder months. I'm proud to say that at the age 26, I completed my recipe and was confident enough to share it. This December, I even made custom labels for bottles that we shared. People love it and so do we. When you start making recipes your own, you truly start to "own" the kitchen.

Also speaking of booze (I guess these should both be subcategories.)

2: Perfecting My Pie Crust.

This process took a long time and the resulting recipe is a combination of 6 different recipes and lots of experimentation, butter and flour, a touch of shortening, and vodka. The reason being, the liquor makes the dough a workable consistency but evaporates almost entirely, making the crust flaky and tender.

And last and definitely not least,

1: The Thanksgiving Turkey.

This is a right of passage for every cook, in every home, in this country. Many people don't even attempt it! Rightfully so I might add. I have mighty shoes to fill! My Mom's Mom is an amazing cook! Her Thanksgivings are the stuff of legend! Everything she made was amazing and lots of the recipes I make are in an effort to live up to the traditions she and the rest of our family put in place. Love you, Grandma! 

*(That's why I still make four pies, even if there are only two of us: Apple, Pecan, and two Pumpkins {because the 32oz can of pumpkin makes two}).  

*[I did try and make a pumpkin pie from scratch and found its not really worth the trouble but I do like to season my own pumpkin] 

*Anyway

The very first year I attempted to make a Turkey, I was terrified! I'm not going to lie to you, raw poultry freaks me out! I had decided to brine it and when I was taking it out of the fridge, it slipped and raw poultry infested liquid went EVERYWHERE and I channeled my father and swore up a storm. My wife and sister still make fun of me for that outburst but I feel it's justified. As a victim of salmonella, I can tell you it's not a fun thing to risk. 

*(side note: we got salmonella from an Arby's Turkey Sandwich, not mine or anyone else's cooking. We couldn't even touch Turkey for several years. In fact, I think I made two turkeys, we took four years "off", and then I started again. I lost so much practicing time!)

I have since learned to enjoy the process and can turn out a pretty decent if not delicious bird. It's still nowhere near my Grandma's but who knows, maybe someday.

The point is, there is something that's truly amazing about preparing your own food and food for people you love! One of my favorite things we started last year was a monthly dinner party with a group of friends. It hasn't been every month but scheduling anything in this town is a nightmare! The point is, I'm proud I've used my first decade of real adulthood to do some real adulting by cooking: you should try it! I'm still learning everyday and love every minute of it!

I'll give you a hint, the secret ingredient is always a cliche: love!

Go make something!

*an interesting happenstance was that this post has been planned for a while but tonight while working at the Public, I saw for the first time our new show, "Hungry." It's a wonderful play about a family and takes place in a kitchen, the interesting thing though is they actually cook onstage! It smelled so good in there I almost couldn't handle it.

Day 16:

Day 16:

I once heard someone say that obligations must be met and for the most part, I agree. (This gem was probably my father but I cannot remember exactly. He said things like this all the time.) That is philosophically something I have spent the majority of my adulthood trying to live.  I am a firm believer that promises should be kept, agreements should be fulfilled, contracts should be upheld and yet even now I am engaging in hypocritical behavior. 

Tonight's post will be short. The main reason: today was my only day off. My wife also had the day off. Spending time with her is something I need with every fiber of my being.  Work/life balance is something I'm still working on, as a living conundrum who is inherently a little lazy but also doesn't like sitting still.

In short, I'm writing this because I said I would and am living up to my obligations and deadlines, but feel guilty because four paragraphs is not the best work I can do and the perfectionist control freak that lives in my head is belittling me.  This is adulthood. This is actually what being an adult means: balancing opposing forces that could tear you apart in such a way that they don't.

The next five post will be other than me waxing philosophical. My twenties have been more than me learning a lot and realizing that I know nothing. Ah, adulthood.

Until tomorrow, dear friends!

Day 17

Day 17:

Moments of epiphany are recherché and an unbelievably beautiful thing. Whether on a large scale or a minuscule one, the world's spinning slows for a moment and you feel your whole being click into a place of adherence and understanding.  You are the key that finally fits.  Waves of euphoria cleanse you and doubt, for a moment, is washed away. A whole new perspective is philosophically within your grasp and everything seems right in the world.  Even the memories of these moment can motivate and invigorate who you are and what you can become. 

Some would question my mental state reading the opening statement for this blog about my twenties, but believe me, there is a purpose to my musings.

I personally believe that the epiphanies we experience throughout our lives are chief motivators of our behavior.  The sensation I described is literally, one of the most rewarding emotional states we can experience on this plane of existence.  I know I have been personally affected.

Truth be told, and why not at this point, I get that feeling with songwriting. The rush of having music and lyrics pour out after days, weeks, and sometimes months of hard work (Pansy took seven months to complete) and the depth and emotional implications that your subconscious can produce never cease to amaze me. Composing music is still something very mystical and magical in my mind and I hope it always will be. I have studied it my whole cognitive life and still get chills, still am moved in ways I never expected.  I feel that way performing too!

Maybe I'm selfish in that I want to create this feeling for myself as a career. Or perhaps this is the actual dream, to find a task that stimulates you so deeply, you are moved and epiphanies are had. It was easy as a child when everything was new and wonderful. Adulting is hard. Daily life can overtake you in an instant and your dreams seem unattainable or unworthy of your investments. That undefinable fear that lingers about lives wasted and moments lost.

Don't give up!  I knew what I was meant to do the moment I first sang in front of people. Then schooling, career counseling, and a lot of bad advice got in my way. I am so grateful for the people who always believed in my talent and have supported my endeavors, as crazy as they sometimes seem.  I found my epiphany, and at almost thirty can still stand behind my decisions. I honestly hope you find yours.

Day 18

Day 18:

Today is the third day in a row where I will be standing for over twelve hours.   My feet are not fans of this behavior, but every other part of my body seems to love the act of being active.  My mind however is enthralled by the challenges of multitasking and the constant stimulation of creation.  One of the perceived benchmarks of actual adulthood is the honing in on goals and the focus that results. This concentration of endeavors supposedly allows for more free time, more fulfilling work, more hours in the day, distinctions between our work and our home life.  I guess these desires weren't conceived by a person with a mind like mine.  Sometimes my brain even convinces itself that it yearns for simplicity, but cannot handle the consequences of said lifestyle.  Even before my twenties I was a scatterbrained, busy-bodied, overbooked, multitasker who somehow miraculously managed and continues to pull through the perceived chaos.

I have been told throughout my life that if I stopped for a moment and concentrated on one single endeavor, the results would be astounding. Personally, my results have proven otherwise. My best grades were from last minute assignments. My best songs sprung out right before the deadlines.  All of my projects depend on pressure, and the momentary distraction from the problem at hand brought about by other projects breathes fresh air into a subject that can feel stale after days of concentration.

For instance, today on top of my day jobs,  I was working on this blog; book, music, and lyrics for "The Retail Song Cycle"; book, music, and lyrics for two other shows; music and lyrics for a separate musical project with a friend; a new Musical Theatre podcast called "Frivolous"; reading a book; planning the party this blog is counting down to; creating systems for freelance work; watching Gilmore Girls; cooking dinner; and spending time with my wonderful wife.

*Life Hint: the last item on that list is the most important!

When I reread the list above, I myself begin to question my sanity! My biggest problem is that I love learning and always have. I get immense pleasure from knowledge and in depth discussion on subject far and wide.  My interests are eclectic, diverse, and constantly growing. If I come across a subject or item or story that creates that tug my body knows so well, I immediately begin researching. I ponder it from all angles, discern its implications, digest my personal feelings about the subject and cannot seem to get it out of my head until it is complete and cognizant in my mind.  

This lesson is one my twenties and I didn't see eye to eye on until toward the end.  It has taken me a long time and needless to say lots of thinking to be ok with the way my head works.  It's creative and successive and seemingly scattered to everyone but me. After years of torment I finally look at my everywhereness as an advantage.  It's something I took for granted as a child, that institutionalized learning and standardized testing took from me, and that I am eternally grateful for now.

Part of our own uniqueness and our own humanness is how each qualifying individual decision is made, why it was made, and how the decision is executed. Those who know me, know my thinking face well. I just hope that it does some good!

Day 19

Day 19:

It's 5:25 in the morning. I still hate waking up this time of day. I remember hoping in my teens that someday the morning person hidden in me would spring forward and take over. He hasn't yet and I honestly don't know if he ever will. I do appreciate this time of day though. Especially here in New York. The trains are less crowded, the streets are still quiet and smell of pastries and coffee, the sun rising through the  buildings, I love all of those things.  

There are some other "marks of adulthood" that haven't quite kicked in for me yet. I'm still a mess potential. This is something that bothers me as well. My twenties have involved me living in several locations, some of which were just mine: something everyone should experience at least once as a test of your person.  

I remember during my twentieth year I was living in the West Apartment building at Central Wyoming College. It was a dated and fairly small apartment. The cabinets were Orange Formica and the Furniture was repurposed shipping pallets, it was ugly but it was my own. 

That year I had thrown a Christmas Party and didn't actually finishing cleaning up after until my birthday. Gross. In my defense I was rocking a twenty-four credit semester, two jobs, and every show the department produced that year in some fashion, plus being a typical twenty year old and purposefully missing out on the four hours of sleep opportunity actually available to me by hanging out with friends. Cleaning was quite literally my last priority as a twenty year old human.  I thought perhaps the age and lack of aesthetic value in that apartment was also a factor.

It was a little better after I moved to Missoula, Montana to continue my education.  I had multiple roommates for the first time in my life and that helped but even still, none of us were naturally neat people.  I actually ended up living in three places in Missoula in my five year tenure there.  

The first one was a beautiful three bedroom duplex on the South Hills.  I loved that place.  My dad drove all of our stuff up there from Riverton, Wyoming using one of his many covered trailers.  He lead the convoy at an excrutiatingly slow pace up Interstate 90, I occupied the center spot, and my friend Alex (he had another name at the time) brought up the rear. When we arrived, we squatted on our own living room floor because the real estate managers, Lambros: a name that would grow more foul the longer I stayed, had decided to change our move in date without informing us. I should have known there was something amiss because three months later, Lambros sold the property out from under our lease and forced us to move. 

We ended up on Calistoga Street in the Canyon Creek Village (nationally famous because of its Harry Potter themed street names) in a lovely three bedroom house that over looked the interstate.  It was neat to live in a house all our own! Our only complaint was that when the wind blew, the pilot light went out. We stayed for six months until our lease ended and my roommates headed to opposite ends of the country - one in L.A. and one in Nashville.

My third and final home was a beautiful one bedroom apartment on Pine Street in Historic Downtown Missoula. I stayed in this place for five years. It was not only three times the size of the apartment in NYC we live in now, but it was also the first place my wife and I lived together.  We even went so far as to research the apartment building's history because of its unique architecture and layout. We loved that place and were sad to see it go. 

All of the places in Missoula were habitually messy as well. So much for the aesthetic nature of the home inspiring me to clean. I remember as a child, the only time I ever wanted to have a neat room was when a friend or guest was coming over. That feeling stayed with me through my teens and my early twenties. 

In New York, we have lived in two apartments so far: both in Crown Heights in Brooklyn, one on Park Place and one on Pacific Street.  One was "historic" and the other a gut renovated house of sin. Don't worry everyone, there is literally nothing left from the days of yore and anyone who has been inside can see how lovely the building has become.

These two have also been habitually messy. I could claim, and rightfully so, that this city is too fast paced and requires far more effort just to live and therefore my home can lean toward the messy side of the spectrum. While that is partially factual, the truth remains that cleaning is not especially high on my list of priorities. My poor wife was a bit of a neat freak before I came into her life and has sadly had to settle for a less than spotless existence. On the bright side, we both have more relaxing time; something that is rare and desperately needed here. Also on the positive side of the spectrum, I have gotten better about doing dishes and dusting, scrubbing and polishing, and staying somewhat organized. However to claim it will ever become my top priority; alas it probably will not. Although who knows, maybe in nineteen days something will finally click and I'll become a compulsive tidier. Maybe I'll also become a morning person who isn't dependent on stimulants in high doses. Who can say? Anything is possible.

Day 20

Today marks the beginning of the last Twenty days of my twenties. What a thing to mark. And on a leap year no less! Why does the age 

~Thirty~ 

have the stigma it does attached to it? Is it possibly because thirty is the cap on the decade when a person finally realizes they personally are aging? Is it because that aging is starting to be visible in the mirror? Is it the realization that a person's youth is "truly" over and societal pressures are unavoidably forceful concerning your need to "adult" in your Thirties? Is it because in the old show business model, my career is essentially over before it has even begun?

I honestly don't know the answer. Just when I think I have it figured out and have completely accepted my impending age, I am suddenly overwhelmed with my own mortality and from areas of my being that I would never expect, despair rises up and takes me. Just as quickly the feeling of impending doom pass and I feel an overwhelming sense of joy at leaving my Twenties behind. Like most of adulthood, an impasse that should by all accounts be by the book, black and white, straight forward, and every other cliche about understanding, has more subtlety and infinite distinction than I can comprehend.

Looking back, I can hardly believe how much of my life has happened in this decade. It may only be a 1/3 of my life so far but it is the first that has been entirely mine with no external influence. Most of my friends, most of my memories, most of my education, and most of my proudest accomplishments took place between the ages of Twenty and Thirty. I have been incredibly fortunate! I don't write that phrase lightly. I have also faced hardship and lost people I never thought I would lose. I have been stretched to my very limits and found comfort in the limitless limits of everyday life. I have striven and pursued and continued to follow my dreams. I've done things I never imagined I would do in my teens. I explored aspects of humanity in ways  I'd never thought possible, and all the while perfecting my kitchen finesse.

Creatively it has been my most prolific decade and I have continued to hone my skills and talents, philanthropically it has been my most interesting decade, and professionally, I have worked more interesting places and with more interesting people than the entirety of my life before. In fact, today I just picked up a fourth job. Ridiculous, right? I went to work retail from 7a-12:30p and then at 1p, I started a freelance job with a friends new company and put in another 8 hours. I also now treasure a good work ethic and no longer take its existence for granted.  

It's been a hell of a journey and I still feel like it's only just beginning. Maybe it's the dichotomy of feeling like your life is still starting but also feeling 30 years of wear and tear on your body and having 30 years of living experience under your belt; the simultaneous too young and too old feeling that people can't handle.  Who can say? My mother had already had me and my sister when she was my age. That really puts things into perspective, but then again it doesn't. Everyone is different and every journey is different. I am completely the same and totally different. I am transformed and frozen. 

One thing is certain, however. Tomorrow, the 19th day, I will need more than my usual dose of coffee. I hope my almost 30 year old kidneys can handle it.... Buck up boys, there's a lot of living to do!

Until tomorrow friends, good night.

Theatre Etiquette for Everyone

Theatre is in my mind the most wonderful art. It combines all disciplines, all forms, and most importantly is live. The artists are all there with you. You are experiencing a work of art in real time and it is unlike the performance has ever been or ever will be again. You have the privilege of participating in a singular, once in a lifetime event and you can feel the energy. Even if you don't concur with my boastful opinion, you must agree that theater is unique, even among the performing arts. That is why there are certain rules that must be obeyed; so that you and your partners in happening can get the maximum enjoyment out of your individual and societal experience.  The rules were laid out, not because of pretension and animosity, but to ensure the most fair and democratic enjoyment.

1. This should go without saying, but it is apparently necessary as manners and common courtesies have gone by the wayside. 

 DON'T TALK!!!

You are not in your living room! This isn't a ball game! You can't get this kind of experience at home watching tv in your underwear, or even at the movies. This is live and no matter what you might think, everyone can hear you. Actors, Crews and most importantly, other audience members. You are breaking everyone's concentration and unless you are the most ignorant human who has ever existed, I know you can feel the stony glares emanating at you from all directions. Seriously, some shows require people to complete very difficult and dangerous tasks that require utmost concentration. You are literally endangering people's lives and quite literally your own.  So please enjoy the show, savor every moment, talk to your companions after the show. 

   SHUT UP!!!!

If this rule seems shocking and uncalled for, not talking will actually be a great exercise for that dull and underworked organ rotting between your eyes. Also try to remember and savor. It's something we don't get to do very much in this epitome of consumer American whoredom that we call cultural existence. 

2. This should also go without saying but this is also a sticky point,

  BE ON TIME!!!!! 

And by on time I mean at least 15 if not 30 minutes early!!!

The reason, a theater production involves a lot of people, more than you would imagine most likely: and all of those people agree to a strict schedule by being hired or purchasing a ticket to said event. If you are late for a train, it will leave the station without you. So will a plane, a car service, an elevator, most things in life adhere to a schedule. Theater is no different. You may be a paying customer but you agreed to be on time when you purchased the ticket.

   Subpoint: don't you dare yell at the front of house staff for ANY reason but especially if YOU are late. This is your fault. Even with the most valid excuse in the world (Hint*--dinner ran late, usual traffic, oversleeping, you forgot the tickets at home, etc. are NOT valid excuses) the other partons, ticket holders, customers, call them what you will all managed to make it here on time. None of us will be waiting for you. If they did hold the house for you, I have pity on your soul.

If it were up to me, you wouldn't get in, you wouldn't get to reschedule, and you wouldn't get a refund! Thankfully it's not up to me. Most theaters will find a time to slip you in if heaven forbid you are late, but that is at their and the directors discretion. Yes, the director decides these moments, so once again keep your frustration and self loathing to yourself. Don't you dare try and talk an usher into letting you in. They won't and it makes you look like an asshole.  No matter when you are slipped in, it will be disruptive which causes the same effects as breaking rule one. DON'T DO IT!!!!!!!!

Along the same lines

3.  PLAN YOUR VISIT AND KNOW THE SHOW!!!!   

This means, find out how long the show is BEFORE you attend, find out if and how many intermissions there are and when they fall. All of its information can be found on the magical interwebs via mother Google™. Most of you reading this are adults although kids should be taught too. If you know you personally can't control your bladder for 45-100 minutes, Skip that drink at the bar, don't enjoy a second with dinner, and for God's sake stay coherent. The reasons are all listed above. If you've forgotten them, read it again!

4. This one can Get sticky but as a general rule unless specifically told by someone,

   DON'T TAKE PHOTOS OR RECORD ANYTHING.

This is more for legal reasons than anything. Everything you see inside a theater--usually including the theater itself--is intellectual property and therefore copyrighted material.  It is protected under all the statutes that a painting or a sculpture is.  The designers can technically and truly sue your ass if you publish photos of their material and have every right to under copyright law.  The control aspect is the most important to designers. Think about that for a second: if something you spent countless hours creating, perfecting, and overseeing. Would you really like it if someone who you had no input or contact with, published an unapproved image with unapproved angles and sometimes truly poor aesthetic sensibility? Remember that whole Instagram™ Fiasco with copyright a while ago? It was undecided who held the main rights the "artist" or the publisher? America spoke and said of their own free will that the artist holds the copyright.  There you go. Also, since most people cannot properly operate a smartphone camera and therefore cannot turn off the flash, that is also distracting. See Point 1 again for the issues of distraction.

5. STAY OFF OF THE STAGE AND OUT OF THE PERFORMANCE AREA!!!!!

You as an audience member know nothing about the actual logistics of an individual stage and set. I mean nothing! You are the epitome of clueless. Why would you even attempt something you know so little about? you could bump something or move something necessary for the show or worse, for someone's safety! You wouldn't go into the generator room of a power plant or onto the tracks of a train. Both are necessary for the essential functions and both can be destroyed by ignorant hands. In the theater, that's you! Stay out of everything except the auditorium! If you even begin to question whether you should be somewhere, don't do it!!!  This is ALSO distracting to everyone!!! See Point 1 for the umpteenth time for the issues of distraction.

6. STAY THROUGH THE CURTAIN CALL!!!!!!

All of the people who I was just talking about, FOH staff, technicians, designers and actors? They can all see you. You might not believe me but I promise it is true. We all know when you are leaving and it is very hurtful and disheartening to all involved. If you have stayed for the entire show, there is no excuse for this behavior. I don't care if you want to beat traffic, beat the bar line, or get to your favorite restaurant before the crowd--there is no excuse for your tasteless, offensive, and inexcusable behavior. You will be judged accordingly.

7. Finally and MOST importantly, 

you are responsible for your own good time and the good time had by everyone else. What makes theatre it's most powerful can also destroy it in an instant.  Your bad attitude has an effect on people and It's amazing how quickly feelings spread throughout a group. I am no sociologist but I have experienced first hand an audience turning on a show in both good and bad ways.  Come in with an open mind, don't listen to the critics, and let theater work its magic on you because it can.  A great performance of a great piece of theater can change your life much less your night. That power is what separates it from the other arts and it is something that once experienced will live forever in your mind and will be something you seek for the rest of your existence! Don't mess it up for yourself or others.